and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
