Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize