How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She has the best kind of daddy issues
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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