their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
