Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
