Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We're too hungover to prance.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
