she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
