You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize