dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
