I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
