Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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