Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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