I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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