I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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