the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
why is half of my head shaved?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
