I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
