So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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