Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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