so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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