Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
