Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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