wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
