not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
