i already hear my dad disowning me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
he had hair everywhere except his balls
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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