I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
