Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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