Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
