Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
