No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
