you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
