apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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