I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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