Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
