my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
