At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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