I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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