I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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