you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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