I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
