Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
God, I missed his penis.
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