after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
