So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
