do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
