remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
