god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
