the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
