the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
