Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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