And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
