Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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