I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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