Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
