he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize