True but thats because hes a fetus.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
