I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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