i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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