I'm gonna have a badass scar
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize