This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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