i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
