So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize