if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
