I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
