he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
