6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
