I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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