Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
