im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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