is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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