U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
