I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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