He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
