My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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