I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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