That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
