By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
