he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
