when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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