i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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