i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm just crazy horny about you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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