What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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