idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
