I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
