You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize