No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
