dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
