Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
