for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
