I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
