Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
