quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
