You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
