new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
