I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
