u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
