Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
