Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
