being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
