Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
