Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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