he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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