He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
