A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
