went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
