please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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