he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
