I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize