I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
