what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
