I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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