these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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