The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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