allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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