it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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