perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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