I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
