you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
